Honesty
I value honesty, not in the sense that they won’t steal from me, that goes without saying. Rather in the sense that they say what they feel. In the sense that they don’t hesitate to show who they are, and what they think, and how they feel. I understand the need to be guarded around strangers. But I don’t want my friend to be guarded when it is just he and I. I value his trust in me to not judge. I want him to put himself out there to me, be vulnerable, tell me the quirky stuff. Then I feel more comfortable when I tell him my quirky stuff, which I probably will do regardless.
Disciplined thinking
I value in my friends the desire to know the truth. I value intellectual thinking that is clear, rational, logical, analytical, critical (even skeptical). I value in my friends curiosity with a willingness to let go of biases easily.
I value true answers to complex issues.
Let’s see if this calls for a chart…
Feedback
I value conversation that flows comfortably. I value in a friend a natural tendency to make sure he understands what I say, and my feelings and intentions in saying it. It is so comforting to tell someone something and they give feedback that lets me know he understood, or he is seeking clarification because he didn’t quite understand. The feedback can be words, body language, or some subtle change in their facial expression. It is nice when you know right away he did or did not get the joke. I need to know immediately he understood or didn’t understand why I feel so strongly about something. I do not require that he agree or support me. I just require that the conversation keep flowing smoothly.
Communication is a two way transfer of information. It has to be two way or it isn’t communication. Here is how it works on a computer, and for conversation.
- First, there are two entities “A” and “B”: Two hard drives, or two people.
- Second, a method of transferring information is established: Wire, WiFi, spoken language.
- Third, information is sent from “A” to “B”: Electrical signals, words.
- Fourth, the information is sent back for confirmation that was received correctly: “B” to “A”.
- Fifth, the information is checked for correctness by “A”.
- Sixth, “A” sends a T/F or “yes” or “no” to “B”.
If the feedback is “T” or “yes” then communication has occurred.
If the feedback is “F” or “no” then communication has not occurred.
When I ask a question to Google and it comes back with 395,000,000 results (0.91 seconds) it is a marvel and a mystery to me how communication is taking place, but there is no doubt that it is.
When I listen to a small group of women all talking at once it is a marvel and a mystery to me, yada, yada, yada…
Education
I love to be able to talk on a wide range of topics. That is the reason I feel so strongly about the need for everyone to have a liberal education. The formal education covering all the disciplines gets you off to a proper start for a lifetime of learning. Once all these many fields of knowledge have been opened you can really begin to get educated.
Wit
I appreciate sophisticated humor. Puns are really funny to me. I love “The Far Side”. I love it when I can drop a word or phrase and my friend immediately makes the connection to some story or concept that I have in mind. A joke is not very funny if you have to explain it. Tracey Young is a good example of someone who is quick to pick up on an allusion. Not much gets by Tracey. Bill Terrell and Pat Terrell Walker are the best and creating and appreciating puns.
To me, laughing with your friends is the most important reason for having friends. It’s not the destination nor the journey, it’s who you’re with that matters. My children and grandchildren are my best friends. They all measure up.
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